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Ashlee Simpson is officially Ashlee Wentz. In a move destined to doom her even further into obscurity than her music career already has, Ashlee felt it wise to take on the name of her new husband - seen here with a plate over his face. He did get my letters! People reports:

Pete Wentz says he left the name change decision to his wife. “These decisions with Ashlee and her name are all completely up to Ashlee,” Wentz says. “I want her to do these kinds of things the way she wants to do them.”
Still, he admits, he was flattered. “Oh man, I was like upgrade me! You know what I’m saying? The Wentz family, our Christmas card just got upgraded!” he says. “It feels insane. It feels unreal.”

For those of you unable to zoom in, or with poor vision, Pete’s paper plate mask reads “Your ad could be here. E-mail Jon@Douchebag.com.” When I read something like that and hear Pete say “Upgrade me!,” I can’t help but feel overjoyed that these two reproduced. (Side note: I express joy through punching. Vigorous punching.) Now where’s the happy couple? I’ve got some brass joy I can’t wait to share with them. Ha ha! So happy!

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Kirsten Dunst opened up to E! Online’s Mark Malkin about her recent trip to Cirque Lodge. Turns out it wasn’t for the drinky; she was depressed. She also denied rumors that she′s dating Ryan Gosling. So, basically, after admitting she suffers from depression, E! made her confess to being lonely and emerging from her trailer at night to feed on the young. Okay, maybe not that last part. Here′s the details:

“I didn’t go to Cirque Lodge for alcohol abuse or drug abuse,” Dunst tells me exclusively during a lunch break on All Good Things. “I went there for depression.
“It was a good six months before I decided to go away,” Dunst says. “I was struggling, and I had the opportunity to go somewhere and take care of myself. I was fortunate to have the resources to do it. My friends and family thought it was a good idea, too. But I didn’t know where to go. My doctor recommended Cirque Lodge.”

How can you be sad while you’re drinking? That’s scientifically impossible. Back me up, Geekologie Writer. And, also, put on some pants. I don’t want people thinking we coordinated outfits again.

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